Rebellious Excitement and Your Inner Rebel [Ep 17]

In this episode, Lisa talks about rebellious excitement, your inner rebel and how these things keep you from being consistent, sticking to a plan and making progress on your goals to be fit and flourish in midlife. Rebellious excitement is important to be aware of because it can keep you from being consistent with your goals for eating healthier, being more active, losing weight, or feeling less stressed. 

Shared in this episode:

1. What is rebellious excitement?
2. Why we have the need to rebel
3. Ideas to work with your inner rebel 

Thanks for listening!

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Transcript

Hello hello! This is season 2, episode 9 of the Midlife Mojo Podcast. Today’s topic is about a way of thinking and feeling that can keep you from consistently sticking to a plan and making progress on your goals to be fit and flourish in midlife. What we are talking about today applies to big, complex goals as well as small, simple actions. It’s important to be aware of this because it can keep you from being consistent with your goals for eating healthier, being more active, losing weight, or feeling less stressed.  

It’s what I like to call “rebellious excitement”.  This is what we're going to chat about today.  A couple of situations where “rebellious excitement” might be a factor are: When you know what to do for your health and you’re still not doing it. 
Or When you have a concrete plan but you’re not consistent in taking the action. Or 
when you know doing the action step will only take a few minutes so you just put it off a bit and do this other thing (scroll your socials, watch a show, take a nap) instead.

It’s not the situation where you “don't know what to do, or you’re confused as to what your next step should be”.  Not that “you don't have a good handle on what you need to do” but more like “you know what you’re supposed to do” and then choosing not to do it or making a different choice that doesn’t support your goal attainment.  If you are in that place or find yourself in that situation more than you’d like, I'm going to offer you an idea for what may be going on that keeps you from being consistent and following through.

Because, you know, when you're on your own, as an adult - there's nothing to force you to follow through on our goals.  Think back to when you were a kid or even young adult in school, you needed to do an assignment because the teacher said do it or you’d get an F.  Or you did chores because there was a chore chart on the wall and your parents would yell at you and ground you if you didn't do the chores.  And now as mature adults when it comes to our health, fitness, well-being - we're left to our own devices. Most of the time there is no one holding us accountable for taking care of ourselves. 

I noticed this recently when I was talking to a group about losing weight.  Things that kept coming up from the group were - I'm not following the diet like I planned to or I've been pretty good at following the plan but I'm still having “some food that's not on the plan” (like having pizza every night, or a soda and chocolate bar every afternoon).

Also, several in the group mentioned things like forgetting to go to the gym or  deciding to sleep in instead of going for their morning jog, and other common slip-ups they felt like they would have avoided if they just had more discipline or were more dedicated to losing weight – and that’s not necessarily true.  They were showing up to the meetings, they set realistic and relevant action steps, they were doing a good bit of the work but not being really consistent.  They were expressing frustration with not feeling like they were making progress fast enough.  And this is the kind of stuff that starts a cycle where there is a downstream effect of guilt, perhaps some shame and negative thoughts or negative self-talk.  This often results in getting down on yourself because of not being “perfect”. 

There can be a lot behind the choices we make that are considered not following the “rules”, not sticking to your goal.  We often fail to recognize or acknowledge that in the moment those choices are made, in real time, there is a very real benefit for not taking the action that was intended or planned on and instead, choosing this other thing. 

Because if we are really being honest, it feels damn good in the moment.  It feels so good to have that piece of triple chocolate cake when your diet plan has you eating an apple for dessert.  It feels like a huge relief to skip a workout after a long stressful day at work and have a couple of glasses of wine instead.  

You know, there's a bit of “rebellious excitement” that happens when we're all “I’m supposed to be doing “this thing” - eating the apple or going to exercise after work - we’re supposed to do it but we don’t and make a different choice instead.  It’s like there’s an inner rebel that takes over, creating this great feeling for not having to follow the rules or do what we are supposed to do (even if we are the ones putting the “rules” in place). That quick surge of pleasure or relief in choosing to do what you want to do in that moment, that quick dopamine hit when you say to yourself “I’m doing this and not that, so there”, essentially giving the middle finger to your logical plan that has been thought out and aligns with your goal. It feels good in the moment. 

And when you think about it, this makes sense. As humans, we strive for independence, we crave autonomy.  We want to be the one calling the shots.  Our inner rebel can’t stand being told what to do.  I like to imagine it like a toddler throwing a tantrum.  This feeling or need to rebel is called psychological reactance. It’s your brain’s reaction when you feel there is a threat to your freedom or think your choices are being limited. This response can make you feel anxious, panicky, annoyed or angry when our choices are limited or rules are put in place even when the logical part of our brain set up the guidelines or agreed to the plan, our rebellious toddler brain feels limited and threatened. This can lead us to do the opposite of what we’d intended or planned, and can result in self-sabotage.  

So how do we work with our need to rebel when it has to do with our health and well-being?  Begin noticing your emotions and reactions, in general, to different forms of rules or guidelines. This could be societal rules (the pandemic brings a few situations to mind), at work, or even expectations at home and with family. How do you react when your choices are being limited?  How do you react when you're expected to do something you don’t particularly feel like doing? Noticing what comes up for you as you think about these situations gives you a good idea on how you already handle psychological reactance. 

Then, it’s important to identify the thoughts and feelings happening in a specific situation where you are tempted to abandon your plan or get off track with your health related goals.  

For the person who chose the cake for dessert - they felt like they’d been really “good”, followed all the rules all day long and deserved that piece of cake as a reward.   

For the person who had a stressful day at work and chose to drink wine instead of going to work out, they were feeling anxious and just wanted quick relief and to relax. 

When you notice an urge to make a choice not aligned with your goal, take a moment, pause, take a deep breath or two and notice your thoughts and feelings. It may help to ask yourself “what’s really going on here?”, “what do I really needi in this moment?”, “where is this urge coming from?”.  Another good question to consider is “will this choice help me accomplish my goal?  Is it aligned with my goal?”

Taking this moment to pause and notice what is going gives your brain the chance to get back to a place of logic and control, and not as much at the mercy of your inner rebel having a fit.   Retraining your brain and managing your emotions takes awareness and practice to balance making choices aligned with your overall health goals and what you might want to do in the moment for quick relief or pleasure.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t be doing things that you enjoy, doing things that bring you pleasure or relief.  Taking care of yourself and enjoying life is part of self-care. However, if you are having a hard time staying consistent with your plan for accomplishing a goal and that goal or outcome is important to you, it is helpful to recognize when your inner rebel is acting out in a way that’s not aligned with your goals so that you can begin to better understand yourself and the choices you make. 

As a health coach, I love working with my clients to notice what is keeping them from being consistent and move past other obstacles that come up when their inner rebel takes over.  If you are interested in getting additional support, visit lisadupreecoaching.com for coaching options. You can also connect with me directly on Instagram at Lisa Dupree Coaching. Check the shownotes for links!

Well, that’s it for today, my friends. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to leave a rating and a review.  This really helps to keep the podcast going and enables it to reach more people who want to be fit and flourish in their fifties!  

Thanks for listening - Bye for now!