Why Your Most Important Relationship Is With Yourself This Valentine’s Day [Ep 47]

Valentine’s Day usually focuses on romantic love, but what about self-love? In this episode, Lisa shifts the conversation inward, exploring the most important relationship of all - the one you have with yourself as she unpacks how self-love fuels confidence, resilience, and empowerment, especially for women over 50.

From redefining strength to embracing body appreciation, Lisa shares practical strategies for building mental and emotional resilience, setting boundaries without guilt, and cultivating confidence through action. Plus, she introduces three unconventional self-love practices that will transform the way you see yourself. It’s time to embrace this chapter of life with boldness, self-respect, and unstoppable energy!

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

[01:35] Rethinking Strength – Strength isn’t just about lifting weights; it’s about mental and emotional resilience in the face of life’s changes.
[03:32] Growth Mindset & Resilience – How reframing challenges as learning helps you navigate midlife with confidence.
[06:52] Letting Go of People-Pleasing – Setting boundaries without guilt and choosing self-approval over external validation.
[08:32] The Confidence Myth – Confidence comes from doing, not waiting until you feel ready.
[12:09] Body Appreciation vs. Body Acceptance – How shifting focus from aesthetics to abilities creates deeper self-love.
[16:51] Letting Go of “Old Speak” – Stop saying, I’m too old for that! and start embracing new opportunities.
[17:54] Three Unconventional Self-Love Practices:

• The Victory List 
• Mirror Talk
• The Joyful No 

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Lisa DuPree: Have you ever felt like Valentine's Day is just another day to put everyone else first, your significant other, your family, your friends, but not yourself? Maybe you've spent years taking care of others, putting your own needs on the back burner, or perhaps you've been waiting for someone else to make you feel loved and appreciated.

[00:00:18] When you know deep down that love has to start with you. Today we're flipping the script on Valentine's day and making it about the most important relationship of all. The one you have with yourself, you're listening to Midlife Mojo, the podcast that helps women over 50 get fit and flourish in menopause.

[00:00:39] I'm Lisa Dupree, a certified exercise physiologist and health coach, and I've been helping people transform their health and fitness for more than 20 years. My mission is to make fitness and fat loss simple, sustainable, and achievable for women like you. Let's dive into a topic that is absolutely foundational to thriving in midlife self-love.

[00:01:01] But not just any kind of self love, the kind of self love that fuels your confidence, strengthens your resilience and allows you to step into this incredible time of life with all the energy and joy that you want. 

[00:01:18] So while this holiday is often about romantic love, I want to shift that focus and take it inward. So whether you're in a relationship or not, the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.

[00:01:35] We'll be talking about rethinking strength, building confidence and appreciating our bodies in a new way and even a few unconventional self love practices that might just change how you have that relationship with yourself. First up, let's expand the conversation around strength. When we hear the word strength, most of the time, we immediately think of something relating to physical. So physical health or, going into the gym, lifting weights, being stronger physically, and absolutely that's important.

[00:02:17] Real strength goes beyond the gym. It encompasses mental resilience. It's also emotional strength. It's the ability to navigate all the challenges that come our way with grace and confidence. Midlife often brings a lot of different changes. So whether it's, getting to the point where you have an empty nest, shifts in your career, either taking on more responsibility or downshifting, getting ready for retirement.

[00:02:50] The changes that come with menopause. Also, we may have aging parents that we're also now beginning to take care of a little bit more. It helps to reframe some of these changes as opportunities. Instead of seeing these Natural progressions in life and relationship as burdens, viewing them as lessons can be really helpful. 

[00:03:15] Ask yourself, what is this teaching me? What Is the opportunity here for me to learn versus why is this happening to me? You may still want to change some of these things, but if you're looking for what is the learning?

[00:03:32] What is the opportunity here that can help that mental resilience to help you better? Navigate the changes And that really kind of flows into having a growth mindset over a fixed mindset. So a growth mindset is the belief that you can continue learning, that you will always be growing and improving no matter where you are in life or what age you are.

[00:04:03] And so having that growth mindset, seeing things through that lens of continued learning and growth and improvement, it leads to more confidence. And it also leads to more courage to show up in a way that you're going to be able to, make the best of the situation. And you're going to be actually even able to have a better situation as you age.

[00:04:31] You're not stuck where you are. If you think about it, you are constantly changing and you're constantly evolving. And this really helps us manage some of these stressors that come along with change a little bit better. So think about strength, mental resilience, Not about avoiding stress, but it's really about how you approach it, how you look at it and how you handle it.

[00:05:01] Practices like mindfulness, breathing, deep breath work, positive self talk, all these things help you build a more resilient mind. Now, emotional strength that comes from solidly knowing who you are, knowing what you value. And being able to really stand firm in that and keep that top of mind. 

[00:05:29] Emotional strength is about trusting yourself and also giving yourself grace.

[00:05:38] Setting boundaries without guilt and learning to say no. And protecting your energy is really an act of self love,

[00:05:50] being able to know your values, know what you want, communicate those and have the guardrails, so to speak, if you need with those boundaries it also helps to let go of people pleasing, confidence grows when you stop seeking approval and start making choices based on what, truly aligns with what you want and how you want to show up in the world.

[00:06:20] Now, it's easier said than done, like setting boundaries and holding to them and not feeling guilty about it and letting go of people pleasing. Yeah, it's just easier said than done. But if you think about, being able to also practice self compassion as you are practicing. Getting better at the boundaries, getting better at not being overly concerned about what people are going to think or getting approval from others.

[00:06:52] When you're kind to yourself, especially in moments of, that struggle when it comes up or that emotional discomfort, that self compassion strengthens your emotional well being. So I always like to say, talk to yourself and treat yourself as you would a close friend who is trying to do these things, 

[00:07:16] So you want to support yourself and give yourself grace always. And really thinking about the takeaway here is, strength, physical strength is powerful. It's going to help with your longevity. It's going to help with your overall quality of life, but mental and emotional strength are also going to allow you to fully embrace this time of life with confidence, clarity, and joy.

[00:07:43] And then when you combine all three of these, you really are up leveling your care and respect and love for yourself and you can become unstoppable and Who doesn't want that at this time of life? I want to become unstoppable and an even bigger force of nature.   

[00:08:05] All right, so talking a little bit more about confidence. A lot of the women that, I coach and a lot of the women that I talk to that are thinking about coaching, they tell me they wish they had more confidence and that they, are holding themselves back from doing things that they want to do. And they're staying on the sidelines of life until they feel more confident.

[00:08:32] But here's the secret, confidence doesn't just happen and it doesn't come first. It comes from the doing. The doing of whatever you've been waiting on until you get more confidence, right? So think about it. The first time that you walked into a gym, lifted a heavier weight, set a boundary, tried anything new it might have felt scary a little bit.

[00:09:05] It might have felt uncomfortable you might have had some doubts a little bit of fear around what might be the Consequences or how was this gonna go or am I gonna fail at this, But the more you did it, the more confidence you built in your ability to do that, whether it is something physical, lifting weights or something more mental and emotional, like setting a boundary or, saying no to something that you typically would say yes to, but you don't really want to say yes to it.

[00:09:40] So these small consistent actions can lead to really bigger shifts. some things that can help build that confidence and really help you appreciate yourself and love yourself even more is like start lifting heavier, not just in the gym, but in life, lift heavier in life, take on new things, take on new challenges that stretch you.

[00:10:10] That saying, feel the fear and do it anyway it works. It's uncomfortable. Again, going back to that self compassion, give yourself some grace, but don't let yourself completely off the hook. Start lifting heavier, say yes to things that excite you. And know to what drains you, so things that are exciting to you, even if you've never done them before, they feel uncomfortable.

[00:10:37] It feels like so outside of what, your norm is, but it's something excites you and it's drawing you to it. Say yes to that and then start identifying the things that drain you and that you don't want to do that you, are just saying yes to either out of habit or because.

[00:10:54] Somebody expects you to do it, say no to that. So whatever you're trying something new, it could be around fitness and health. It could be around a hobby, a class you've wanted to take. Like for me, One thing is I want to do a solo trip, I want to go and I want to travel a little bit by myself My significant other is really, you want to do that? Are you sure you'd be okay doing that? So all these things were coming up around that. There's a lot of doubt, they're concerned for my safety. 

[00:11:26] I don't really use maps that well. I tend to just go out and try to find my way and I end up getting lost. then I find my way and I'm okay. that's how I operate a lot of times. for them looking in that's unsettling if I'm thinking about going and traveling somewhere into another country by myself.

[00:11:43] It's a little unsettling for me as well, but growth happens outside of your comfort zone. So as long as I'm taking, reasonable precautions, I've got a plan. I am, reasonably safe. Thinking about getting outside of your comfort zone in that way, that's where you're going to grow.

[00:12:01] That's where you're going to get that confidence. And that confidence will reach over into other areas of your life as well.

[00:12:09] And so with that confidence, I wanted to talk a little bit about body appreciation and body acceptance because sometimes that confidence is we're waiting to get that confidence when we get a goal. And I tend to work with a lot of women toward body recomposition, weight loss, fat loss. strength building, things like that.

[00:12:37] And so that confidence, they feel like it's going to come once their body looks a certain way. And we hear a lot about body acceptance, but I really want to take that a step further when we're talking about self love and, thinking about what if we just accepted our bodies and truly appreciated them.

[00:12:59] And so instead of just body acceptance, accepting that we have a body, accepting our body is the way it is, appreciating our body and appreciating the way it is, because our body has carried us through decades at this point. Think of all the experiences, all the adventures, all the challenges that you've gone through.

[00:13:23] And instead of focusing on what's changed, focus on what our bodies can do. So what can your body do at this point? For me, I've been in the gym lifting weights. and the other day we got a new range in the kitchen and we were moving the range out.

[00:13:43] We had to move a bunch of things around, furniture around. I was able to do all that without even thinking about it. So that is a huge I really had to take a moment to be like, wow I really, I appreciate this.

[00:14:01] I appreciate this freedom. Dancing, hiking, or just simply, carrying you throughout the day so that you can do the things that you want to. So think about that gratitude for where you are now, for what your body is able to do now, shifts your self perception. And the more that you appreciate your body, the more that you treat it with kindness, the more that you appreciate what you can do, the more that you are going to cultivate that love for yourself.

[00:14:37] And so that has a snowball effect, because when you approach your health, your life, your well being from what you can do, it actually builds upon itself, and so you feel more capable, therefore you are more capable because, thinking about aging, isn't something that we need to dread.

[00:15:01] It's really something to embrace because, what's the alternative? If we are living, if we are alive, we are aging. There's no way around it, and Not only appreciating our body, but appreciating where we are in life. Because with age comes freedom, wisdom, and strengths and knowledge that a younger version of ourselves couldn't dream of or couldn't even fathom, right?

[00:15:32] And so one of the things that I like to explore with clients around aging and appreciating where you are as a starting point for even, going further and up leveling your health, your well being for weight loss is this. Really strong appreciation for where you are.

[00:15:56] So think about it. For me getting into my forties and fifties, I really got to the point where I was no longer seeking approval from external sources. I knew who I was, I knew what I wanted and I wasn't seeking that external validation. You also have the experience at this point in life to make decisions that truly align with you and your values, right?

[00:16:21] You know what that is. You've lived long enough to know that about yourself. There is so much kind of freedom and value in that. And this is really a time to do what lights you up. No more holding back, sitting on the sidelines, shrinking back. This is your season to flourish another act of self love In addition to this acceptance I've been embracing lately 

[00:16:51] No old speak So when you notice yourself thinking or saying, oh, I'm too old for that or oh, you know someone of my age that's not You That's not acceptable or that's not appropriate for someone of my age. That is old speak, I do believe that when you are really embracing self love and you are acting on that on a daily basis, then you need to let go of old speak because it's not going to serve you.

[00:17:23] It's only going to hold you back and it's going to keep you shrinking back. I wanted to talk about a few. self love practices that I know have worked for me and my clients over the years. And I want to say they're a little bit unusual because it's not what you typically hear or what you typically think of when you think of self love, self care, right? So I've got three of them I want to highlight for you.

[00:17:54] The first one is a victory list. So take a few minutes, anytime that you have five, ten minutes to sit down and maybe having coffee in the morning or, taking a few minutes at the end of the day. You want that focus time. To sit down with an actual piece of paper and a pen and list out your victories, big or small, things that you've accomplished in your life.

[00:18:21] These could be around career, successes, promotions, accomplishments. It could be personal milestones that you've hit, personal goals that you've set. You've accomplished challenges that you've overcome and also think of those moments of real joy and connection that stand out to you times when you have been living Fully and showing up in the way that you wanted to show up in the world.

[00:18:54] So actually take the time to think about that and write those down. Revisiting these past wins, these past victories, helps remind you of what you're capable of, your resilience. It builds your confidence and it also reinforces self love. Creating that victory list just takes a few minutes and then you have it written down and you can revisit that when you need that reminder.

[00:19:28] Alright, so the next one is mirror talk. Mirror talk involves just taking a moment, just a few seconds to look at yourself in the mirror and speak words of kindness and encouragement out loud. Tell yourself something positive, something kind, something encouraging for your day. It could be something like, you are strong, you are capable, you are worthy of love and respect.

[00:20:02] Anything that resonates with you at that moment. It may feel a little awkward at first, but over time, what this does is it helps cement that connection with yourself. And it rewires some of that maybe negative self talk , that negative tape that we have running in our mind, into something that's more positive.

[00:20:28] So it's that positive reinforcement. By making that eye contact with yourself, you are really noticing yourself at that moment. Very simply, doesn't take very long at all. I did this for a couple of weeks last year. As I was trying it out, and I actually had to set a reminder on my phone to do it in the morning, after brushing my teeth.

[00:20:51] When I finished brushing my teeth, I'm already standing at my sink. I'm already standing at the mirror. And so that was my cue.

[00:20:58] To just take a moment to really look myself in the eyes, and say a few things that were kind and encouraging for whatever I had going on that day or whatever was coming up for me. I invite you to give that one a try.

[00:21:13] And then the third one, That is, I think, a practice in self care and self love is the joyful no. And so really embracing that. ability to say no that you have because you do have that ability. It is a choice for everything that you do. You have the choice to say yes or no and I know so many women struggle with saying no because you often feel obligated to do things or you feel like you have to act in a way that pleases others.

[00:21:52] And so try embracing the joyful no and that Involves declining invitations that maybe are not a full yes, it's not an enthusiastic yes, then it's a no, looking at what commitments that you have, what is taking your time and your mental energy or emotional energy, what are those commitments and can you say no to any of those going forward?

[00:22:23] new requests that are coming in that don't align with your wellbeing. If you think about you will have an immediate gut reaction when somebody asks you to do something, or you're supposed to do something, or you see something pop up on your calendar, and a lot of times it's really quick, and then we just ignore it, and we go about like, yeah, whatever.

[00:22:45] It's easier to just say yes, and do the thing, but when you feel that, like, I don't really want to do it, or you feel that resistance, like that is your cue to really take a moment and say, can I practice this joyful no? Or how can I practice a joyful no with this?

[00:23:04] And then be able to do so with confidence and zero guilt. Think of that saying no is an act of self care. It protects your energy. It protects your emotional energy. It protects your mental energy and it protects your physical energy. And that's really what it's all about. So thinking about, midlife isn't a time to shrink back.

[00:23:29] It's a time to fully step into your power. This time of year around Valentine's Day let's make it more than just about romantic love. Let's make it about deep, unwavering love for ourself, because self love isn't just about feeling good in the moment. It's about showing up for yourself. Making choices that honor your well being and embracing the strength and wisdom that you've built over the years.

[00:23:57] . This is the perfect season to thrive. So give yourself that permission to take up that space, to prioritize your happiness, to live boldly and to love yourself. If today's conversation has resonated with you, just take one small step toward deepening that self love.

[00:24:17] So thinking about whether it's creating that victory list, saying yes to something excites you, or embracing that joyful no. Commit to do something that reminds you that you are worth it. And if you want more support and feeling strong, confident, and vibrant in midlife, get your free checklist and jumpstart a fitter, stronger, and more confident and happier you at LisaDupreeCoaching.com slash checklist, or you can click the link in the show notes. Until next time, get out there and keep your mojo rising.