Start With Self-Care [Ep 4]

Today we are starting with self-care - the things and activities you do to maintain or improve health and well-being so that you are taking meaningful steps to be the best version of yourself in midlife and beyond. 

We’ll be talking about some key things to consider and exploring potential strategies for how to give yourself the support you need to make it happen.

Segment 1: 3 Things to consider for effective self-care

Segment 2: 3 Strategies to explore for effective self-care

Segment 3: Steps to create a simple self-care plan

Link to Episode: Creating Your Health Vision
Free health vision creation worksheet - download the worksheet now

What topics would you like covered on the podcast to help you be fit and flourishing in midlife?  Send them my way by connecting with me:

Instagram - @lisadupreecoaching
Email  - lisa@lisadupreecoaching.com
Website - https://www.lisadupreecoaching.com 

Host: Lisa DuPree
Editor: Hannah Hudson

Thanks for listening!

🎉 Free Resources 🎉

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Midlife Mojo Jumpstart mini-course to create a health and fitness plan that fits your lifestyle. Over five days, you’ll receive actionable tips to improve your nutrition, exercise, and recovery—all tailored to the unique needs of midlife.

To help you set positive, motivating goals you are excited about, get this free Goal Setting for Success Worksheet.

Transcript

Welcome to episode three of Midlife Mojo. Today we're going to be building off of episode two, where we talked about creating a personal vision of you at your best, where you are fit and flourishing. If you missed episode two, I'll put a link to it in the show notes and make sure to check it out because it  goes through four key steps to help you create your vision. It also includes a free worksheet that will help you get to that big picture vision easily, help you paint it out with clarity and in living color quickly and easily. So, now that you have your big picture vision for being fit and flourishing in mind, how do you get there? How do you take the steps to make that a reality so that you are able to step into that vibrant snapshot in real life? Today, we'll be talking about some key things to consider and exploring potential strategies for how to give yourself the support you need to make it happen. 

So what does self-care mean for you? When you hear the words self-care, what comes up for you? I like to think of self-care and approach it as the things and the activities that you do to either improve or maintain your health, and improve your wellbeing and things that you are doing. The meaningful steps that you're taking that allow you to be the best version of yourself in midlife and beyond. In coaching successful professionals as well as teaching undergraduates health, along with my own journey of 50 plus years for my own health, I've found that that self-care kind of comes down to things that fall into three big buckets. The first being mindset, how you think about caring for yourself and how that manifests or doesn't manifest for that matter. Prioritizing is the second, and that's really about managing time and conflicting responsibilities.

Because we all wear many different hats and we have a lot of responsibilities and roles that we are trying to balance. And then the third thing is, is taking meaningful action that's aligned with your values. What is most important to you? Being someone that is in the Gen X generation, or the “just suck it up generation”, we really have to be mindful of our thoughts around taking care of ourselves before we take care of others. Because, we were just taught to work hard, and not complain. We had to figure things out for ourselves. Like we didn't have the internet and cell phones and social media and Starbucks. We learned to be super resourceful. We have a lot of grit as a generation.

So it's like, you want something done, you just do it. We didn't complain. So you need to handle your crap. And so, with our habits and things like that, I'm speaking for myself here, there were times where you just didn't feel good. You just sucked it up. You went to work because you had to. You got up, you went to school because you had to, , you just did what you needed to do. You went out drinking, had a great time, then woke up in the morning terribly hungover. You jumped in the shower, you put your clothes on, you went into work. You didn't call in sick. You didn't complain about it. You're just like, oh yeah, we just do what we do. 

And so for, in this generation, just having that grit and that resilience is very helpful when it comes to being able to accomplish your goals. But the mindset sometimes when it is applied to self-care can leave us lacking. So I think it's worth taking a moment or so to think about what are some of the misconceptions that we may have when it comes to self-care, just based on where our mindset is. One of the misconceptions that comes up pretty frequently when I'm talking with my coaching clients or just hanging out with friends is that self-care only involves treating yourself or pampering yourself. And, while it absolutely can include those things, and those are important to include, it goes deeper than that.

Treating yourself to a massage or your favorite dessert or something like that, those things are important to build in. But self-care is about more than that. Another one that comes up is that self-care is selfish. It's about thinking about my own needs, putting my own needs ahead of others. And so when you have this mindset, especially if you tend to be a people pleaser, then, then you're always going to be doing for others. And what ends up happening is that your proverbial bucket just keeps getting depleted, depleted, depleted. So what you are able give to others and how you're able to show up with others, it's affected and it can be affected very negatively. Think about “how can I do things that are going to give me the energy, give me the ability to meet others' needs, but also meet my needs?” Things that you need to do to kind of fill up your bucket, so to speak. 

Another thing is that self-care is a list of behaviors. Like, it's things you put on your to-do list. Really, it's not just about a list of things to do. It can encompass much more than that. So outwardly the behaviors are what you're seeing, but self-care is as much about your mindset and your thinking as it is your behaviors. And what constitutes self-care for each person depends on that person. And it depends on the situation. Some things that work for one person might not work for another person. Some might be perfectly happy with being able to go and get a massage once a week, or being able to sit down and read for a couple hours by themselves, and then sometimes maybe solitary activities aren't what's needed at all.

It's about kind of how do I create this connection? How do I have these meaningful conversations? What do I do within my social group to fill my bucket up. If you approach self-care as a way of living, not a to-do list or things to check off, not discrete behaviors, but literally as a way of living that incorporates  how you think about taking care of yourself with kindness and compassion, as well as what those behaviors look like. You want to be building in things that maintain personal balance, that replenish your motivation and help you grow as a person. And this can be much easier when it connects to your values and your overall vision for what it looks like for you to be flourishing.

So this brings us to our second item that we're exploring today, and that is prioritizing managing your time and managing conflicting responsibility so that you are able to create that space for self-care. Many of us are in the sandwich generation. We have a lot of responsibilities and wear many hats. So if you have kids, they need you. They're going to  depend on you for support in many different ways. And you may be in a position to begin to have more involvement with aging parents or even provide care for them. Then you have your professional responsibilities that include things like these looming deadlines, expectations of team members and colleagues, trying to meet those on a regular basis and stay at a high level of performance. And then you've got your personal relationships, being there for your significant other, for your friends or for your extended family.

I mean, there's a lot going on there. All these responsibilities, all these different hat , all these things are competing for our time and our attention and our energy. Taking care of yourself and really doing the things that are nurturing you and rejuvenating you so that you have your bucket full to the brim so that you're able to give what is needed for all these things that are important in our lives is  important. At the same time, taking time for yourself sometimes can seem a little bit selfish. And, even if you have said, okay, I'm going to be taking this time and setting it aside for myself to do whatever it is you've decided is going to help rejuvenate you. Holding to those boundaries can result in internalizing some guilt or shame.

These feelings of guilt, it comes up from conflicting values. If you value your health, but you also value helping others, sometimes that's going to create conflict. If you have the value of being kind and nurturing, and you are used to nurturing and showing that kindness to others, sometimes it just doesn't feel as comfortable to show that same compassion, nurturing and kindness to ourselves. Just being aware of what your responsibilities are and where there's some conflicting values and conflicting responsibilities can go a long way. And being able to figure out, okay, how can I make this work for me? And that brings us to the last big item, which is taking meaningful action. And so when I talk about taking meaningful action, that is about creating things for yourself, for your self-care, that are going to give you the most impact.

Self-care doesn't have to be a big involved production. It doesn't have to take a ton of planning or a lot of time. Because let's be realistic, we don't always have hours and hours to carve out and just do something that we want to  do. And, if we do, that's fantastic. Let's take advantage of that and be clear about the benefit that this is going to bring to you, yourself. And then what's the benefit that it's going to  bring to others? And be able to clearly communicate that.

I want to invite you to consider a few concrete strategies that can help when you are devising your self-care plan or what steps that you want to take next. The first thing to consider is no, if you want things to be different, then you've gotta be willing to do things differently. We tend to get ingrained in our habits and on some level these habits are working for us. But think about your big picture, that vision for you where you are optimally fit and flourishing. You are at your best self, you are successful, you are happy, you are thriving. What's the gap? Where are you now? Versus where does that picture come in? Where do you want to  be? And so, if the simple truth is you want to get there and there's a gap, then you've gotta be doing something.

You need to be doing something differently. And so thinking about how can you experiment? Give yourself permission to experiment with different things, maybe go against the grain of what you've been doing for a while and try to find some things that work for you and your body. You want to look at these experiences as feedback as well. So you want to be able to try something new, cultivate that curiosity, cultivate that sense of adventure in trying some new things. 

Another strategy to consider is doing the things that make your heart sing. And this may seem like a no-brainer, but you want to be doing things that make you happy, because that's one of the highest forms of self-care. Think about trying new things. Go back and think of a time when you were  truly happy, when you were  energized, you were super engaged in performing at a high level.

What felt possible when you were in that space of joy? So thinking about kind of what are those activities that you might want to try revisiting? If you can't remember what  would make you happy, what energizes you then it's time to have an infusion of fun and do something that is going to make your heart sing. Some things that made you happy when you were younger. Things that came to mind for me when I thought through this and I tried to start practicing it was dancing. I started dancing when I was like four, I think. And I've danced in some form or fashion most of my life.

Over the past couple years with job responsibilities, a lot of personal life changes, some of the things that had to do with the pandemic, I was very narrowed in what I was doing. And I just felt off. I realized  dancing is something that brings me joy. Like, sometimes I do it well, sometimes I do not do it well, but I always, always feel better after doing it. It's a way of expressing myself through movement but it also speaks to me emotionally, and physically. So it is a wonderful form of self-care. I've made time and cultivated opportunities to be able to do more of that because it's a really important way that I've found to renew and recharge my spirit. So thinking about what is, what is something that can renew you? What can recharge you? Aim to do that at least once a week, if not daily. 

And then the last strategy for today is aiming for completion, aiming for progress, not perfection. We're all a work in progress. Self-care is not a one and done. It's not one specific thing. It is a practice. A lot of times we tend to want to do things perfectly or we want to do them well. We compare ourselves to others. We looking at kind of critiquing what other people are doing, and then we compare ourselves. So we don't want to get into that place of comparing and despairing. And we also don't want to waste a lot of time and energy trying to do it perfectly. And, get everything right.

So this, this concept is about giving yourself permission to be okay with being a work in progress. Be okay with just doing something and not necessarily having it be perfect or whatever the ideal is for what you had in mind. This is something that's going to set the foundation and get you progressing toward accomplishing your vision. If you've planned to have a 60 minute workout, but things happen and you only have 45 minutes, like still hold yourself accountable for that. Realize that there's value in doing what you can with the time you have. So, go and get your workout in for 20 or 30 minutes. Some is better than none and more is better than some, but it doesn't always have to be more. Thinking about, if part of what energizes you is connecting with your friends or your family and your house isn't perfectly clean or doesn’t look like a show house or something like that.

See what you can do about letting go of that perfectionist tendency and go ahead and invite the people you care about over anyway. What you're going to remember and what they're going to remember, I can guarantee you, is how often you laughed, what you talked about, just being able to be there and enjoy each other's company.  Nobody's going to remember how clean your kitchen was or, if the grout in your bathroom was a little bit dingy. Nobody's going to remember that stuff.  So releasing the need to compare, be perfect, it  opens up the space for exploration. And, that's where the fun, the joy, and the rejuvenation and the energy is going to come from.

All right, we have talked about a lot of things. Being effective with self-care, the three big things to consider are mindset. How you're going to  prioritize that and manage your responsibility. And then taking meaningful action. We also talked about some strategies, having to be willing to look at things differently, do things slightly differently, experiment, giving yourself permission to find out what works for you and your body and being able to learn from that. And then, being able to do the things that make your heart sing that are going to put you in that space of joy and trying to do those things often. Getting those in your schedule. And then the last thing is, is aiming for completion and progress, not perfection. Don't let that hold you back.

Go ahead and do the things that are going to create connection for you, that are going to align with your values, that are going to help you physically, mentally, emotionally, that take steps toward your overall vision. Some things to consider as we are wrapping up - I'm going to  go out on a limb and guess that you're already doing some things well when it comes to self-care. So thinking about what we've already covered, what are some things that you are already doing well when it comes to your self-care, take some time, think that through. Go ahead and yourself kudos and a pat on the back for already doing some of these things well. And then maybe come up with a couple of things that when it comes to this practice of self-care, what do you want to  be doing better?

And so adding that to the list, what are you doing well? What are a couple things that you want to  be doing better? And then thinking about an action that you can take over the next week. What are you willing to commit to? What are you willing to take action on that is going to  help improve your overall self-care in the next week? And then kind of stretching that out a little bit more, over the next month. What are some other things that you can do that you can build in or that you can try or you can experiment with that are going to improve your self-care over the next month.

And then the last thing would be to think through, what kind of support do I need to make this happen? What needs to be put in place so that I can make this happen for me? So those are things to consider. What you're doing well, what are some things you want to be doing better? What's something you can do within the next week? And then expanding that out over the next month. And then thinking through what support you need. 

All right, that brings us to the end of the episode. Thank you very much for listening. I hope this has been helpful for you. Until next time, keep your mojo rising. 

If this episode has been helpful to you, I'd love to hear from you. If there's a topic you'd like to hear more about, send it my way. Email me at lisa@lisadupreecoaching.com or connect with me on Instagram @lisadupreecoaching. Thank you for listening. Bye for now.