What To Do When You Slip-up [Ep 16]

In this episode of Midlife Mojo, Lisa will be talking about slipping up when working toward a goal or changing a habit, the first thing to do when it happens, things to do to learn from it and get back on track quickly. 

Shared in this episode:

1. How slip-ups are normal, expected and opportunities to level up 
2. How to work with negative thoughts or self-talk when slip-ups happen
3. Options for getting back on track and moving on

Interested in getting additional support to achieve your goals?  

• Private Coaching Options: https://www.lisadupreecoaching.com/services
• Apply for a free strategy session: https://lisadupree.squarespace.com/getcoached

Thanks for listening!

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Transcript

This is Season 2, episode 8 of Midlife Mojo with Lisa DuPree. In this episode I'll be talking about slipping up, the first thing to do when it happens and how to learn from it to keep moving on.   

Welcome to Midlife Mojo, the podcast all about how to be fit and flourish in your fifties with me your host with over 25 years of experience in the health, fitness and wellness industry, Lisa DuPree. We will be talking about all the things that support living life to the fullest. Let’s dive in! 

Hello Hello! It’s been a whirlwind of a month - I have been celebrating three birthdays! My birthday is at the beginning of March and I am so grateful for so many things that have happened in my personal and professional life this past year. Also, my daughter has a milestone birthday this month - she turns 21! Wow, that’s a big one. I am so proud of her and who she’s grown up to be.  And the Midlife Mojo podcast is turning one! The time has really flown by!  It has grown and changed a lot in a year, right along with my daughter and me. There is a lot of excitement and energy for what is to come this next year. 

As great as this past year has been, it hasn’t been without significant challenges and more than a few slip-ups. With the podcast, I totally slipped up this month with getting it all together - coming up with an idea, recording, editing and getting it published on my target date of the first of the month. By failing to accomplish my goal, I have gone through a variety of emotions - shame and frustration for not getting in done on time, feeling like I failed and let people down, feeling like I should just give up because it’s too hard to keep up with all my other responsibilities, couple that with some pretty negative thoughts and self-talk, and folks, it’s been a process to get back on track. 

If you’ve ever felt like this when you’ve slipped-up on your goal or gotten off track with a new habit, this episode is for you.  

Simply put, slips are times when we don’t follow your plans. This could be for anything -  for healthy eating or exercising, managing stress, drinking less alcohol, getting more sleep, publishing your podcast -ahem - anything you have set a goal for and have been actively taking steps to do and then, all of the sudden, you don’t. 

Slip-up or lapses are a normal part of lifestyle change, building new habits or stopping old ones. 

Just like falling down is a normal part of skiing. If you ski, at some point, you are going to fall. All skiers fall from time to time.  I live in the south, so no snow skiing for me but I did learn to ride a stand-up jet ski this summer and let me tell you, I fell off A LOT - so much water in my ears and up my nose - oh my word!  My partner has a lot of experience riding stand-up jet skis and he still falls on occasion when he hits a big wake or tries a new move.  It’s just part of the ride!  

Everyone who sets out to lose weight, be more active, build better stress coping skills, get 8 hours of sleep a night, will slip. Slips are nearly inevitable. It’s to be expected. 

Sound discouraging? It doesn't have to be! Slip-ups themselves don’t hurt your progress. What hurts your progress and can lead to relapsing or giving up completely is the way you react to them. 

I want to talk a minute or two about the Transtheoretical Model of behavior change. This model was brought into the forefront in research and into the public eye in the early '80s by James Prochaska and Carlo di Clemente. It incorporated several models that were used at the time and combining it into one. Some of the things that really came out with and were kind of groundbreaking was that change is a process. It's not a discreet event. And they also have the stages of change. This is a key element in the transtheoretical model. They were identifying how people who were changing, how self-changers, were making progress, how they were accomplishing their goals. They discovered there was several stages of change. Five of them - precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance. 

What they found is there was a non-linear progression through these stages meaning that somebody that was kind of thinking about a goal or they were kind of weighing the pros and cons, they weren't sure but they thought it was a good idea but there was something stopping them. They were contemplating and would likely go into preparation and then action. But before you get to maintenance and have accomplished your goals and maintain them, a lot of times the self-changers would recycle back through different stages. They end up calling it relapsing.  They found out that this was just a normal part of the change process and most of the self-changers who were successful, they cycled through the stages of change many times before finally attaining whatever goal that they wanted and were able to maintain it long term.

Let’s go back to the skiing example.  Everyone learning to ski knows they’re going to fall. It is a natural part of learning to ski. Skiing instructors tell beginning skiers to anticipate falls and show them how to get up after they fall. As a health coach, this is part of the coaching process and one of the big benefits of working with a certified coach who understands how this process of change works and can help clients effectively address a slip-up or lapse, learn from it and keep moving on. 

Because everyone has different reasons or triggers for slip-ups. Moods, feelings (both positive and negative), and certain people or being in certain circumstances can cause someone to get off track. And, again, it’s not the slip itself that is the issue.  Slip-ups are a normal part of changing.  It’s the reaction to it. 

Think about when we embark on a goal and begin taking action, we have usually done a good bit of work already - we’ve thought it through, made a plan and have a specific outcome we are working to achieve and a series of steps to get there.  We start out with a roadmap of sorts, and the idea of how it’s all supposed to go.  We have prepared and planned and projected, we know or think we know just how it’s going to unfold, step by step. 

And a lot of the time, there are some underlying, unspoken assumptions at play.  Some common ones that I see come up with clients are: 

“I'm not supposed to make any mistakes. If I do, I’ve failed and have to start over at square one.” And this can be very discouraging.

“I’ve done the work, I’m motivated and I have a plan, it really shouldn't be hard to just follow it. Just do it!” And when you slip-up, you feel like something has gone wrong, terribly wrong. 

“I'm worried about it being challenging, but, you know, it shouldn't be a struggle. At this point, this should be easy.”

It usually boils down to something to the effect of “There's a right way to do this”, meaning not making mistakes and it should be easy. We’ve bought into this misnomer and we are marketed to endlessly about hacks, making things easy, that change is easy if you have the knowledge, this specific, missing piece of the puzzle and follow these really defined, specific steps. 

Yes, you do need some knowledge and a realistic plan. That could be in the form of a diet to follow, an exercise routine, a stress management technique or sleep schedule.  But knowledge is not know-how.  No amount of knowledge gives you the know-how, the experience and skill acquisition that showing up, putting in the time, going through the steps and slipping-up when things don’t go to plan does. The key is noticing how you react to these slip-ups.  

So the first thing I want you to do the next time you slip up or have a lapse - I want you to think about your thoughts. That sounds a bit funny, doesn’t it? Thinking about your thoughts.  It’s very meta. What thoughts come up for you?  

This is a time to get curious and become like a detective gathering information. Be honest with yourself. Thoughts like “I don’t have what it takes to do this”. Or “I don’t have enough willpower. Maybe I don’t deserve to succeed”. Or “I’m just weak” or “I’m a crappy person for not being able to stick to my plan.”  

Feelings of shame, disappointment, frustration, embarrassment, guilt, even anger all stem from these types of thoughts. Get curious about your thoughts and feelings after you get off track or slip-up. This is important to do because not addressing it can undermine your ability to handle the slip and learn and move on. 

You have several options for getting back on track, learning from it and continuing to move toward your goals. 

After noticing a negative thought, counter it with a positive thought. Essentially, talk back to the negative thoughts with positive ones. For example if your thought is “I'm not supposed to make any mistakes. If I do, I’ve failed and have to start over at square one.” and you are feeling shame or embarrassment, counter with "I am not a failure because I slipped. I have made a lot of progress and will get back on my feet again."

Another option is to look back at the situation, and ask yourself - what happened? to learn from it. This is another place to get curious, without judging yourself, others or the situation.  Answering questions like - What caused this slip-up? Is it likely to happen again soon? How could I handle the circumstances differently next time?

Regain control as soon as you can. It’s really tempting to go, "What the heck, I really blew it today," and wait until the next day or the next week or the next year to start following your plan again. So these techniques can help you address those thoughts, those feelings. Reflect back on the slip, learn from it, so that you get back on your schedule and get back with your plan right away. Recommit to continuing on your path because all is not lost. You learn every day that you're taking an action and then those days where you don't take an action, you slip up or you don't do something for a few days, you're learning from that as well. 

Additionally, it may be beneficial to talk with someone supportive. Connect with a supportive friend, call a supportive family member, someone that really has your back and talk to them about it, get that support you need. It also helps to talk with a coach to discuss new strategies and brainstorm options for handling slip-ups. 

Finally, focus on the positive changes that you've already made. Appreciate what you've learned and realize that you can get back on track. Slips don't reveal anything about you or mean anything about you, even if those negative thoughts are coming up, You're not hopeless, you're not lacking willpower or any other negative thought that comes up. You want to reframe those slip-ups as learning opportunities because they are a normal part of your journey.

I hope this has given you some ideas and inspiration to get back on track and get your mojo going!

If you are interested in getting additional support visit lisadupreecoaching.com/services to see coaching options and contact links or complete the application for a free strategy session at lisadupreecoaching.com/getcoached

Links will also be in the show notes.  Thanks for listening.  Bye for now!